In the Name of Love

The other day I received a call from a good friend’s girlfriend, because she found a bill to me in his purse. She asked me something about it. I told her he borrowed money from me and just returned it to me. She then asked me what’s the use of the money. I frankly told her I knew nothing about it. She accused me of lending money to him without knowing the use. I said I didn’t think I needed to ask such questions, since I knew him for a long time and trusted him. She continued to ask more about it and myself. I said: “ Why you ask me such question? ” She said，“I think I have right to know about it.” I still said with a peaceful tone “ I don’t think you have right to know about it. If he agrees me to tell you, I will tell you. If not, I won’t tell you. Because he is my friend, while I don't know you at all. I should respect him first.” The words enraged her and she lost her temper and shouted me discourteously on the phone.

“I have right to know about it.” I’m sure that this saying is familiar to us. It’s not my first time to meet a girl like this. Some girls, maybe most of the girls, think they have right to know everything about her boyfriend.

In my personal opinion, every one is independent, belonging to nobody except himself. The parents gave us our life, but cannot go through our life instead of us. The bosom friends can touch our hearts and feeling but cannot taste the happiness and bitterness in our life. Therefore, I always attach selfhood most. My life, my feeling and I just belong to myself only. In my inner belief , for me, I should be responsible for myself ; and for the others, I should respect him, including his feeling, his choice and his life. I hate everyone who thinks he has right to know everything about other people, to interfere others’s choices and to invade others’ personal spaces.

It’s said that pesons are like hedgehogs in need of warmess. If we are too far away, we can’t get warmness from each other. If we are too close, the thorns over our body will hurt each other. Therefore, the perfect distance between persons is neither too far way nor too close. We should care for, believe and contain each other, and above all, we should leave each other a personal time and space.

However, a lot of persons are aways against the rule. During our childhood, a lot of parents request their children what to do and what not to do, even impose their will on the children. Generally the parents choose the school, the major and even the way of the future for the children. Since we are little child, we are told to do whatever adults tell us to do. Increasingly we lose the ability of listening to our inner heart and just do whatever others tell us to do. That’s why we lose the ability of innovation, which is the largest power and motivation for our civilization. For inviduals it causes our spirit world becoming vacuous and boring, since we don’t know what we want and what we are intersted in and what we can do. We don’t know where our heart is. Gradually we lose the zest and interest of life, which is the major reason for high suicide. In some way, this is a kind of hurt, in the name of love.

To make matter worse, few persons look through this matter. We are hurt when we are children. We hurt others when we grow up. When we are in love, we take the right for granted that to contol our lover’s everything, including his choice, his money, his socienty relationship, and even his feeling, as my friend’s girlfriend said, “I have right to know about it.” When we are parents, we follow the same way as our parents. We think we have right to interfere other people, who is intimate and important in our heart. As a familiar saying, that’s because I love you. Therefore, in the name of love, we hurt our most intimate person without guilt. However, as a famous writer Gaoersiji said, even a hen can love his own children, but most of all, how to love. Everyone can love other people, however, the way to show love is the most important. If a love cannot make each other feel safe, comfortable and inspiring, it is an unhealthy love which should die and cannot survive. We love just we want warmness and comfort. It’s the obligation that we should stand on each other’s point and try our best to give each other this kind of feeling.

A true love is an unconditional love in which pay without thought of gain; a sincere love is a selfless love in which thinking about others rather than himself; a healthy love is a comfortable love which contain concern rather than interposition, communication rather than inquest, respect rather than interference, help rather than substitute, toleration rather than nit-pick.